Motherhood: Why do I feel like a failure?

At some point in parenting you are going to ask the questions:
What am I doing wrong?
Why does this have to be so hard?
I look around at other moms and they seem to have it all together, so why do I feel like such a failure?

As parents we have many decisions to make concerning our kids. We make them based on what is best for them and what will keep them safe. So, why do we second guess ourselves and feel like failures?

"Why can't I go with my friend? We are just going to study?" "Why can't I have a smart phone, Jenny got one years ago?" "Why can't I date at 14, you're just old fashioned?"

These are I just a few questions we as parents face. There is no "how to" book that tells us the absolute right way to parent. So, what do we do? Sometimes we pole our friends and see what other people are doing. Then we second guess our instincts. The when things go wrong we blame ourselves.

I recently finished a great book by Lysa TerKeurst called, "Am I Messing Up My Kids?" In this book, Lysa talks about several issues that we as moms struggle with. One in particular that strikes me is the worry of am I a failure as a mom. I constantly feel like a failure at parenting. Like whatever decision I make is wrong. That my kids are going to be mad at me forever.

One of her key verses she helps us focus on is Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  This verse has helped me more times than I can count. When I don't know the right thing to say to my child or when I'm worried my child will grow up to hate me because I didn't give her a cell phone in kindergarten, I call upon this verse and speak it over and over in my mind. Then I take a deep breath and I get on my knees and ask God to take away my worry and anxiety. I ask him to guide my decisions. 


I love what verse seven says, "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." That is where I find my hope. I know that once I have given over my worries and burdens to God and asked for his help, that I will find peace.

Motherhood has its challenges. Many sleepless nights, ungrateful attitudes, unending housework, constant carpooling, and so much more. I tend to prison myself in state of guilt or second guess myself over the decisions I make. I wonder if I'm failing my kids. Then I stop to remember the truth that God tells me and I give over my guilt and second guessing to Him who can give me peace.

No, my kids didn't have a cell phone in kindergarten, and believe me some did. No, my daughter cannot date at 14 like other kids do. No, I won't let her go off with a person I don't know well. Does this make me a bad parent just because other parents do it? No, what works for one family doesn't work for another. I don't have to base my success as a mom on what others are doing.

Society tends to skew our ideas of what we should or shouldn't allow as parents to our kids. We tend to second guess ourselves just because society thinks it should be one way and we think it should be another way. I for one have decided not to "conform to the patterns of this world" as Romans 12:2 talks about. I'm going to stop comparing myself to other parents. I'm going to take the time to pray about everything and petition God for the answers that I seek and for the guidance I need to be the best parent I can be. Yes, my kids may get mad at me, but I'm going to trust that God knows what is best for my kids. I choose to following his parenting guidelines instead of the worlds!

What about you? What have you found to be the most challenging part about parenthood? What verses have helped you along the way?

I know for me the support and prayer I have in my community has kept me as sane as I can claim to be today. I have a great group of friends who pray for me anytime I send out the SOS. Do you?

I'd love to hear your comments on these questions. Let's encourage each other to do this parenting thing God's way and not conform to this world!!

In Christ's love,
 Tina Foster