It's not about me!

You know I wasn't going to write about what's been going on with me lately because I thought, "Oh this sounds like a woe is me kinda complaining session." But then I read my devotional today. The verse was Psalm 103:3-4 which says, “He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies." The devotion talked about confessing sin on a daily basis, giving it to God, receiving his forgiveness and moving on. So here I am confessing.

Chronic pain is something I deal with on a daily basis. Whether it is from my arthritis, migraines, or from the inflamed sciatic joint in my lower back. Every day I wake to dealing with another day filled with worries: How much pain will I have today? What will I be able to get done today? Will I be able to handle the pain today? I make the same mistake every day. I make it all about me.

I tend to forget that it's not about me, it's about what God can do through me. Some days I rant and rave because I feel like if I weren't in so much pain I could do so much more. I know God has the power to heal, so why doesn't he? Doesn't he know how much more I could do for him if I didn't have to constantly deal with this pain? You see my problem now?

I am so thankful for God's word that speaks truth in my life. Usually for me it comes through someone else. More times than I can count it comes through a devotion I'm reading. That's what happened today.

This week we've been going over our serving value at church that says, "it's not about me." I've listened to the other stories of what God has been teaching others about this value. It didn't hit me until today when once again I woke to horrible back pain. I haven't slept good in three nights and I was back to my ranting to God. I started thinking about how I was going to manage this when our small groups start up with my middle school girls. How would I be able to lead these girls when all I'm thinking about is the pain I'm in. Then I read my devotion and the verse psalm 103:3-4. God will take care of me and give me his love and mercy if I can let go of my sin of worry. He will do great things through me. I know my purpose here on earth is not done yet. I love the verses in Jeremiah 29:11-14 that say, "For I know the plans I have for you... They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me."  So I pray and I look for God in every aspect of my life.

I know God could heal me and take away all my pain in an instant. He chooses not for his reasons that I don't understand, but in each day I'm grateful that he gives me everything I need to get through this day and complete the plans he has for me. No, I may not get my to-do list done, but I am able to accomplish what he wants me to accomplish. I pray every day I will wake up thankful for this day, pain or no pain. I want to complete the purpose he has for me on this day. I try not to worry about tomorrow, granted that is a monumental task for a worrier like me. So each time I feel myself slipping into the sin of worry, I stop and pray, "God, what would you have me do today? How can I serve you today?" Okay don't think I'm a saint or that I do this perfectly. I just confessed I had an all-about-me moment today. But in my brokenness I realized I cannot do this on my own. I HAVE to come to God each day, each hour, each minute, each moment. I cannot do this on my own strength. If left up to me, I would have given up a long time ago.

I'm thankful that I'm surrounded by a community of believers that are willing to pray for me at the drop of a text, no questions asked other than how can they help. I'm glad that I have the truth of God's word to comfort me. I'm glad that I don't have to do this without him. I'm glad he gives me the privilege of serving. I'm glad that it's not all about me. It's about how we can best serve him by letting go of our brokenness and allowing him to work through us. Amen for that. If I allow Him to lead there is no room for me to fail. I'm working in his power. So, no, it's not about me! It's about Him working thorough me!

In Christ's love,
~Tina Foster~