Bible study is eye opening.

Last night I had a group of middle school girls over for our weekly life group and bible study night. We are studying the book of James. I had given them a homework assignment to read James 1:1-8 and do what is called SOAP. S stands for scripture. You read the scripture thoroughly. O stands for observation. What is God trying to say to us in this scripture? A is for application. How does God want us to apply this scripture to our lives. And P is for prayer. Asking God to help us with this application. This is a way to help them read the bible and break it down so they can understand it a little better. I was so thrilled when I realized that everyone did their assignment. Not only did they do it, but they all had some really good insight from the scripture. 

You know I'm one of the leaders of this group, but so many times I learn from these girls. It always amazes me how God speaks to them. I listen to their insights and feel the presence of God in their lives. Overall, they are moving towards God each week. 

Last night we also set up some spiritual goals for us this year. I told them that spiritual goals are goals we make that help us grow closer to God or help make us women after Gods own heart. For example, if you want to be more content with your life or you want to find more joy in all circumstances.  Then they find a verse in the bible that speaks to this and to them, because we cannot do these things alone, apart from God we are nothing. After that we make a plan to aid us in moving towards this goal. For example, we can write the scripture down and place it where we see it often reminding us that God is growing us and that we need to pray to him often about this goal or like for joy in all circumstances we can have a journal to write things we are thankful for or things that went well in our day as a reminder that not everything went wrong that day. There was some joy to be found and spending more time on that then the negative affects our attitude. 

These girls took to this like ducks to water. I was so amazed at how they jumped in for this activity. As leaders we helped guide them to verses or help make a plan, but they knew exactly what they needed to work on with God for their spiritual goal. It was so great watching them dive into their bibles looking for verses that spoke to them. 

Each day, I will be praying for these girls as they work towards their goal. I will be walking beside them to help encourage them on the days when it seems like they've failed or those days when it seems too hard. I know, because I too have a spiritual goal. My goal is so way out of who I am that I know I cannot do it without God or accountability. So I know how important it is to have those people who care about me enough to bring me back to God when I stray. 

These ladies mean the world to me and to their Father. Their spiritual walk is precious to me. Their ups and downs are shared with me. I feel the pain of their prayer requests and I pray for them often. I know them well enough to know when something is off with them. I want them always to know they have someone here on earth who's in their corner. 

Yes, these ladies inspire me to be a woman after Gods own heart. I love their hearts. I love to hear their prayer requests and the excitement in their voices when one of those prayer requests is answered. Their eyes light up, and joy spills through. 

I don't know how I got so blessed to be a part of these ladies' lives, but what an honor it is to be with them. Praise Jesus for his mercy and grace and blessings on me and these girls. 

Please take a minute with me to pray over this life group of girls. Pray for their hearts, pray for their walk, pray for their perseverance, pray for their quiet time while studying James, and pray for their movement towards their spiritual goals. Also pray for the other two leaders and myself. As James says, we have a great responsibility and are sometimes judged more harshly because we are leaders. Help us in our walk, with our hearts, for our perseverance, for our quiet time with God, and for our movement towards our spiritual goals. We must go before them. 

Praise be to God for this opportunity! 

In Christ's love,

~Tina Foster~   

I love my kids but some days I just don't like them.

I love my kids but some days I just don't like them. I think all parents have gone through this. Those days when our kids don't conform to our way or do things that just pluck our very last nerve. Some days those teens seem so irresponsible that you think, " how are these kids going to make it out in the world?" Admit it, we all have felt this way about our kids at some point and if you haven't yet, you will. 

I love my kids so much that I have taken the responsibility on myself to MAKE my kids be the way I think they should be, to make sure they never fail, to make sure I'm there to pick them up every time they fall. What is wrong with me? Ok I know I'm not the only one. I know this because recently I've been talking to some of my friends and they too have taken on the responsibility of being the secretary to our kids. Being there so they don't fail or stumble and ruin their lives. 

As you know I have two teens. In the past, when my kids have forgotten something at home that they needed at school, I would be the first to say, "I'll bring it to you." So I rearrange my day so I can go home get whatever was forgotten and bring it to school. I'm also the one who when my child comes home and says I have to have this or that for school tomorrow, I go out of my way to get this or that. Well, today it hit me after reading my bible study from Priscilla Shirer called Breathe, that I have become slaves to my family. No fault of their own but all myself. When my kids are upset or stressed, I feel it is my responsibility to fix this. What craziness is this?

I think this stems from my childhood and not having anyone care about my feelings. It didn't matter how irresponsible I was or what stressful feelings I had, there was no one who really cared. So, when I had kids I thought I would make sure my kids always knew how much I cared and loved them. I thought that dropping everything to help them was a way to show this love to them. It got worse when I quit my job to be a stay at home mom. Then I felt like I had no excuse. So they didn't finish the laundry, I'm not doing anything today, so I'll finish it. Or they have so much homework this week, no problem I'll pick up their shoes or wash their dishes from this morning. She's stressing out about school, I must do something to help her relax. What is this craziness that goes on in my head. 

Today, it changed. I'm going to tell you that I'm chaining myself to this chair as I write this. The guilt is overwhelming. My daughter forgot some cookies that she was supposed to bring to class today because SHE forgot them. She runs late every morning and leaves the house forgetting things, like eating breakfast or bringing cookies. So, she proceeds to try to guilt me into bringing them back to school to her. I stood my ground and said no. I mean just yesterday my other daughter needed a black shirt for her extra curricular activity, so what did I do, drop everything to get her a black shirt, snacks for the trip, black pants just in case she needed those too, made her special snacks since she has allergies, etc. can you see my sickness. Today it changed. 

After talking to some other moms, I realized too that it's time my girls realize I'm not always going to be there to pick up the pieces for them. I'm not always going to be there to de-stress them. I'm not always going to be there to make sure the food is allergy free. I'm not always going to be there to rescue them from their irresponsible actions. It's their responsibility to take care of themselves.

Why as moms do we feel guilty for this. I envy my husband, who has none of my sickness for sure. He will see my girls stressing and he will go into another room and play a game on his iPad giving it not another thought. It's not that he doesn't care. It's that he can tell when it's something they need to resolve on their own or when we need to step in. He would tell me, "is it going to kill her to not have the cookies at school today?" When they stress and he doesn't know how to help, he just says so naturally that we need to pray for her. Why is that not my first thought? My first thought is to fix it. I think at times we both try to go out of our ways to make sure they get what they want if it is at all possible. But then there are times where we look at each other and say what are we doing. Granted there are times when our kids need our support, but there is a fine line between support and fixing it for them. I'm slowly learning the difference. And I do mean slowly learning this, but thankfully God is there to help me.

I don't want my kids to grow up and leave my house thinking there is always going to be a "secretary" there to fix everything or a person there who is going to de-stress them at the drop of a hat. I want responsible adults leaving this house. I want them to stop and pray about the things that are stressing them out. So as of today, I'm going on strike. Well, at least, I'm going to start weighing which things to help my kids with and which to leave up to them to figure out and to pay the consequences of, and I'm going to PRAY about all of it. 

I love when God takes a moment out of his busy day to teach me a lesson. I'm so thankful for the ladies God has surrounded around me to use as his voice. I'm thankful for those eye opening moments where God releases me from the self-guilt and shows me that it's okay to not rescue them from everything! I'm just so thankful for my God who has created rest and has told me that it's okay if my every moment is not filled with tasks for my family. It's okay to not jump in and rescue everyone. I'm not lazy or uncaring if allow my kids to figure things out on their own or to stumble sometimes. I don't have to feel guilty for this. Instead I can rest in Gods promise that he's got this in his hands. He has them in his hands. 

So now it's Time to rest! I choose to find the joy in this day!

In Christ's love,

~Tina Foster~ 

Parental Influence

"... Nothing can derail or skyrocket the faith of a teen more than the involvement of a parent."  A quote by Johnny Scott, a youth pastor, from the book "Refining the Win". As a parent of teens and a teen youth leader, this section spoke deeply to me. I love my daughters so much. As a parent you want so much more for your kids. All I ever wanted was to be a mom and not just a mom, but a good mom, a faithful mom. This quote means that we as parents are the biggest influence in our kids lives. What we say, do or don't do influences our kids. That game you took off work to go to, that time you laid around watching movies with your sick child, that silly game you played with your child all these things influence our kids. I think those times where they think we are nagging them influences them too. But those times where we forget the play, or that time we didn't take an interest in the fact that they've had a bad day, those influence them too. 

I'm a mom of two teenage girls and there are times when I wonder if I have any influence over them at all. Some days it feels like we speak and it goes in one ear and out the other. Scott says that current research shows that even though parents don't feel like they count, "they are still the largest contributing factor to the spiritual formation .." of their kids. We are on the front lines of forming our kids identity. If we keep engaged in our kids lives we have a great opportunity to influence their lives. Even though teens balk at all the questions and most of the time all we as parents get are one word answers, we have to stay engaged. It's so easy to just say okay or  whatever and move on, it does nothing to help our kids. They want us to care and be involved. They want us to at least ask the questions and be the parent who cares enough to find out the answers. 

I think this is no more important than in the spiritual influence we have in our teens lives. God told us to impress the word of God on our children, to talk to them about these commandments when sitting at home, walking along the road, when you lie down, when you get up, to tie them around your hands and bind them on your foreheads, and write them on the doorframes of your houses. (Deuteronomy 6) God has given us an appointment to speak truth in our kids lives. Our faith does influence our kids. 

We have a great opportunity to speak truth in our kids lives. This is a time to show our kids how much God means to us. 

Something God taught me last year was how negative thoughts can be like a cancer in a family. I have a natural tendency to be negative. I don't want to be but I am. Towards the middle of the year or so, God showed me that I have so much to be joyful for, not happy for, but joyful for. I never really knew there was a difference in joy and happiness. 

My daughter came to me about a week or so before we were to go on vacation. She said God had laid it on her heart to get up around 5:30am to have quiet time with him every morning. Now this is a teenager, in the summer time when she could sleep half a day, and she wanted to start this while on vacation at the beach. I thought to myself what would make her do this? She told me she'd been reading a book by Dana Gresh and this book had been showing her how to be joyful and thankful for what she had and to do that she needed to spend more quiet time with him. Not just quiet time, but time where she was devoted to thanking him for everything and for focusing on the joyful things in her life. I was blown away. I thought, " why am I not doing this?" Well God and I know I'm not a morning person like my daughter, but I have made an effort every morning first thing to spend time with God. Not just time with him, but positive time with him. I've been going through his truth and picking out all the things God is to me and has done for me. I meditate on these positive things and praise him for them. I have found joy real joy in doing this. 

Back to parents influencing kids. I started noticing how negative my family had gotten. It seemed like every word coming out of their mouths was negative.  I had started a cancer in my family. I hated the thought that my negative influence on them had brought them to this place of negative thoughts, negative emotions, complaining, and negative feelings. So, I decided it was time to spend more time focusing on the positive things and the joyful things and being thankful for what I had than on any negative things. 

I suffer from chronic pain and right now I'm going through a pinched nerve in my back. This alone can easily pull me into a massive depression. But God is doing a great work in me. He's showing me that there is still joy in the middle of my struggle. He's shown me this through a bible study on the book of Job no less, talk about some struggles, through many verses he puts in my path, through my quiet time with him, through the prayers of my friends, and, yes, through my daughter. I'm amazed at what focusing on the positive truths of God has done for me. I read just today in a Purpose Driven Life devotion written by Rick Warren that said, "satans favorite favorite tool is negative emotions." I don't want to give satan any reason to be happy. 

Around Christmas each year my family and I talk about spiritual goals we want to have for the new year coming up. We access the old spiritual goals then talk about setting new goals. Well mine last year was to be more positive and to see myself the way God sees me. So I asked my family what they saw. Did I seem to do that? Did I focus more on the positive things in my life and on God's truth about who I am or not? They all said they had seen a difference in my attitude and the way I handled things. Even my girls had changed their outlook on things. Just last night one them came home all upset about failing a test and not having a good day, but she said this to me, " at least, mom, I tried to have a good attitude about it. I didn't get upset until I got in the car. I tried to look at the positive as much as possible." Talk about influencing someone! Normally she's like me, when I'm unhappy everyone is unhappy! But today she chose to see joy in the middle of a trial or struggle. 

So, yes, parents, our kids are listening to us and watching us to see how we handle everyday life as a Christian. Are we practicing what we preach? Are we staying engaged in our kids lives? Are we asking the tough questions even when we get only one word answers, oh how I hate that? Are we taking the time to ask others about our kids? Are we talking about God's word to our kids? Are we making sure we point them back to the truth of who God says we are and not letting them waddle in the puddle of satan's lies? Are we living the Christian life? And when we fall are we repenting and asking for forgiveness, even if that means going to our kids and asking for them to forgive us? Oooh a tough one! 

Yes, we do influence our kids and other kids who are around us. Say those kids who are friends with our kids. So, what kind of influence do you want to be? Do you want them to see a person who says their a Christian and walks the walk but only on Sunday, or the Christian who walks the walk every minute of the day? Stay engaged into your kids lives. Make God a focus in the middle of this I-must-keep-busy kind of world. We put time into the things we treasure the most. Extracurricular actives, school, work, watching tv shows, whatever that is, can we put God above all those and make time for him? What an influence that would be to our kids. I know my daughter influenced me when she put aside precious teenage, in the summer at the beach sleep to spend an hour of quiet time with God. It allowed me to do the same thing and get a lot closer to the God of the universe who showed me how to "positively" influence my family. 

Just some food for thought from my experience this past year. I hope it blesses you like God blessed me. It's still something I struggle with, but I have tasted the milk and honey and I like it! 

In Christ's love,

~Tina Foster~  

Thanks to Him

This time of the year we are always thinking about what we are thankful for in this life. I'm no different except I think about this every day. I think about where I came from, my sinful past. I think about how Jesus died on a cross for my sinful human self. I'm more thankful than I can even write in this blog. 

At the age of twelve, my God blessed me so much with a church where he spoke to me through a youth leader. That day I gave my life to the Lord Jesus. I have not always been a faithful servant of Jesus, but my wonderful God forgives me every time I repent my sins to him. How could I be any more blessed. That was only the beginning. 

The year after I gave my life to Jesus, my life was turned upside down. My father moved me to a different town 200 miles away from my new church family. This time in my life was very hard and even harder to follow Jesus without someone to mentor me, but even in this God  blessed me. 

When I was 15, God allowed me to meet a boy who would change my life. He later became my wonderful husband. God allowed the boy to come into my life to show me that he loved me and that, yes, I was lovable and wanted, despite what people said about me. 

After 7 years of dating and going through some rough times, we married. God blessed me with the most wonderful husband. My wonderful, graceful God allowed me to meet this man and come to love him and even better he came to love me. He went through many hard times with me. He loved me unconditionally. He stood by me, encouraged me, loved me, and was God's hands and feet to me. He loves Jesus so much and our marriage has only been blessed further for it. He's a wonderful father.

God not only blessed me with a wonderful man, but God allowed me to be the mother of two beautiful ,bright, and loving daughters. Daughters who make me proud as they serve and love God every day. Daughters who just a couple of years ago accepted the free gift of salvation from Jesus Christ. They are the light of my life. My days are not complete without their smiling faces and wonderful hugs. I love to see their excitement over a favorite movie, book or a great day at school. I'm thankful for cold evenings, watching movies, cuddling up next to the fire, all with my wonderful daughters surrounding me. They love watching sappy Christmas movies with me over and over again. 

God in his great mercy and grace blessed me with the opportunity to be a small group leader to middle school girls. Many of which I've known since kindergarten. He blesses we every week by allowing me to do life with these girls through a small group at my house. I'm allowed the opportunity to share God's love with them every week. I'm so blessed that they actually like being with me and learning about God. 

God in his friendship with me has allowed me to have some really great friends and he allows me the chance to meet new friends through the many bible studies that I'm able to attend and my serving in the middle school room. Many of these friends have stopped what they were doing to pray for me, take care of my children during the sickness of my father-in-law, have brought me dinners when I hurt my back, and been there for me to encourage me. 

I've also been blessed with great in-laws. God allowed me to be a part of a family. We lost my father-in-law almost two years ago. I love my mother-in-law to death. She is a much better mother and than I am a daughter. That is for sure. My life would not be complete without her. God has allowed me to repair my relationship with my father and now I feel blessed to have him in my life and in my daughter's lives. 

Today I reflect on where I came from. I have experienced loneliness, friendlessness, absence of a real family, no one to love or be loved by. But that was then. Today I am blessed beyond measure with family and friends.  With loved ones for me to love and to be loved by. But most of all I'm blessed and most thankful for God who not only called me into his family but also called my husband and two daughters. Material things matter little to me, in fact I'd do away with all the gift giving if I could, what matters to me are the people God has allowed to come into my life. They may never know how much they have changed my life, but God does and I pray his blessing on all their lives daily. 

So this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for all of you! God bless you all! 

In Christ's love,

~Tina Foster~ 

Self loathing =PRIDE? What?

I am going through a bible study right now on the book of Job. I've learned so much, but a couple of weeks ago I got a kick in the gut. We were talking about pride. Sure I knew what pride was. It's when you boast about yourself to make yourself look better. You make you the center of every conversation, you talk about your good qualities, you build yourself up, and make yourself seem great. Right? Yes, that's it. So, no I don't have pride. 

Well, here comes the kicker. I also found out that self loathing is a form of pride! What? No way! Yes, the person who despises herself, puts herself down all the time, compares herself to others,worries about what others thinks of her, feels worthless and lives in fear of rejection is prideful. It's pride because it puts me in the center stage. It puts the incompetence at center stage. Ok, now I know that was tough for some as it was for me. I needed air, so you might need air too. Take a deep breath! 

Over the last few weeks, I've been struggling hard with this. From the time I was little I've heard words like "your ugly", "your worthless", " no one will ever love you", "your such a failure", "you'll never be accepted", and "no one cares about you". Those words echoed in my head during every stage of my life. I'm 45 now and I'm ashamed to say that even to this day those words echo in my head. I've never been able to lay those words down. They have controlled my every waking moment of my life. Whenever I would fail at something, these words would go through my head. Whenever someone called me out, these words would go through my head. Whenever I had a disagreement with someone, these words would go through my head. 

As I'm going through this Job study, I'm wondering, like Job, why is this happening to me. I suffer from depression often and I wonder why God has not healed me from it. I suffer from chronic pain and I wonder why God has not healed me from it. I suffer from loneliness and I wonder why God has not healed me from it. My questions were like Job's questions. Why,God? Am I not faithful enough? Do I not love you enough? Is there something I need to learn from this suffering? What can I do to make this go away? 

Well, this week I got my answer. We read where God used a friend of Job's to speak truth in his life before God came and laid it all out for Job. Job's friend Elihu told Job that his pride was keeping him from seeing how great and wonderful God really was. He said to him how dare he think that God is in the wrong and Job is in the right. How dare he think that God owes him something? God's ways are so much higher than our ways. We've made God out to be some human God, when in reality God is so much greater than we can even imagine. We are mere specks of dusk on a lens and yet he cares enough to speak to us. 

I had my own "Elihu" speak to me this week during my depression and self loathing pride. My husband allowed God to show him how to help me. Bless his soul, he's dealt with this with me for over 30 years. Why he's stayed is a true miracle to me and a blessing from God. God told my husband to have me spend just 7 minutes a day in positive thinking. My first thoughts were, "no way I can do that without a negative thought crossing my mind." So he told me to write down some truths God says about me. So, I did. I spent the first day pulling from scripture words that God uses to describe how he feels about me. Now I use this to meditate on it for at least 7 minutes a day first thing in the morning. Then I take the time to pray it back to God. 

I'm going to be honest here. It's wasn't an over night miracle, but I am seeing a difference. God is changing the way I think and look at myself now. He used my husband like he used Elihu in Job's life. 

God came to Job in a tornado to speak truth to him. Well, this week he came to me not through a tornado but a still, soft voice that allowed me to finally lay down those negative words at his feet. I did that last night. I was able to forgive all those people who spoke those words to me and I was able to forgive myself for allowing those words to have control over me for so many years. This morning I confessed that it was my pride that was holding onto these negative words and allowing them to control me. I guess I've been doing it for so long that I never thought much about it anymore. It was part of who I was. Another lie I was telling myself. 

Today as I read my 7 minutes of positive truths, I spoke them out loud like an anthem. 

I am God's masterpiece!

I am loved!

I am beautiful!

I am accepted!

I am Worthy!

I am renewed!

I am forgiven!

I am his beloved!

I am precious!

I am wanted!

I have a purpose!

I can bear fruit!

I am safe!

I am not afraid!

I am trustworthy!

I am a holy and royal priest!

I am the daughter of the most High King!

This is only a portion of it, but God is showing me how to focus on his truth and let go of the lies. So, today my eyes have been opened to who God is. I had heard about his greatness, but today I can see it! He is too wonderful for me to comprehend, but he cares enough about me to hear my prayer and guide me to truth just like he did with Job! Thank you, Jesus, for your unending love and for my "Elihu"! 

In Christ's love,

~Tina Foster~ 

"I just wanted to feel special"

The past few weeks at our church the middle school, high school and adult church have been going through a  "Tough Conversations about Sex" series. Now I know some parents think that middle school is too young for this or that you are just not ready to have that conversation with your kid. Well, statistically kids are exposed to some kind of sexual content by the age of 8 years old. Eight years old!! Can you believe that? The average age of kids having their first sexual encounter is 16.4. I have two daughters and I want my daughters to know what God says about sex. Not just that it was meant for a husband and wife or that you can get a disease if you have sex out of wedlock like the schools preach. I want my daughters to value themselves enough to know that they don't have to do anything to feel "special" because they are special. Just like the video above, this girl had a low self-esteem about herself and allowed satan to tell her that in order to feel special she needed to give her body to some boy.

I mentor middle school age girls and it so saddens me to hear them put themselves down. To think of themselves like the girl in the video did. That they are not pretty enough, smart enough, worthy enough for anyone to love them. They are not special. As a parent, I want to make my girls feel special, feel loved. But, I know that girls can only feel affirmation about their self-esteem from the only one whose opinion even matters, God! We as parents must direct them to scripture CONSTANTLY, God's truth. He considers us "fearfully and wonderfully made." He loves us above all others.( Ephesians 2:4,6) We are "chosen, a royal priesthood, holy, belonging to God." (1Peter 2:9) We are "accepted in the beloved." (Ephesians 1:5) We are "precious, honored and loved." (Isaiah 43:4) We have "God's power working through me." (Ephesians 3:7)

I could go on and on about the truth of how God feels about us. I know this is a difficult thing for girls especially. Even at my age I too still struggle with this. Just think if we helped our daughters see this truth early on in life, what a difference it could make.

I know that no one wants to have the sex talk with their child, but I'm telling you that if you don't they will hear it elsewhere. And you know what? It won't be God's point of view and it may be too late. Please parents take the time to talk to your kids. Affirm them in God's love. Show them how incredibly important they  are to the One True King!!

And for all you ladies out their, gather these verses for yourself. Do NOT let the enemy temp you into thinking you need this affirmation from a guy to make yourself feel special and loved. God is the only  one we can truly rely on in all situations. For your convenience, I've added a few more verses below. Write them on your hearts!!

I am a child of God (Romans 16-17)
I am greatly loved (Ephesians 2:4,6)
I have been set free (Romans 8:2)
I am accepted in the beloved (Ephesians 1:6)
I am given glorious grace lavishly and without restrictions (Ephesians 1:5,8)
God dwells in me & I am lovely(1 Corinthians 3:16-17, 6:19-20, Psalm 84:1)
I am precious, honored, and loved (Isaiah 43:4)
I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-14)
God is greater than the one in the world (1John 4:4)
I can be strong and have God's power (Ephesians 6:10)
God plans to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)
When I am weak, I am made strong by God's perfect power (2Corinthians 12:9-10)

In Christ's Love,
~Tina Foster~

Loving fall and my hubby

My husband  knows how much I love fall and anything sweet. Since I went gluten free about 3years ago, it's been hard to find good gluten free sweets. Oh, but my hubby is wonderful. He goes out of his way to make me happy. He made the most amazing cinnamon pancakes that are gluten free and have cream cheese icing to top it off.  I thought I might have just died and gone to heaven. So, because my husband is the best, I made him write down the recipe. He altered one from the Internet, all for me. So, here it is. I pray you'll enjoy it and that you have someone special to make it for you. Hey, if not God loves you and wants you to make them for yourself. So, spoil yourself and enjoy these mouth watering pancakes from heaven. By the way he used gluten free bisquick for me, but you can use regular bisquick if you are not gluten free.