I love my kids but some days I just don't like them.

I love my kids but some days I just don't like them. I think all parents have gone through this. Those days when our kids don't conform to our way or do things that just pluck our very last nerve. Some days those teens seem so irresponsible that you think, " how are these kids going to make it out in the world?" Admit it, we all have felt this way about our kids at some point and if you haven't yet, you will. 

I love my kids so much that I have taken the responsibility on myself to MAKE my kids be the way I think they should be, to make sure they never fail, to make sure I'm there to pick them up every time they fall. What is wrong with me? Ok I know I'm not the only one. I know this because recently I've been talking to some of my friends and they too have taken on the responsibility of being the secretary to our kids. Being there so they don't fail or stumble and ruin their lives. 

As you know I have two teens. In the past, when my kids have forgotten something at home that they needed at school, I would be the first to say, "I'll bring it to you." So I rearrange my day so I can go home get whatever was forgotten and bring it to school. I'm also the one who when my child comes home and says I have to have this or that for school tomorrow, I go out of my way to get this or that. Well, today it hit me after reading my bible study from Priscilla Shirer called Breathe, that I have become slaves to my family. No fault of their own but all myself. When my kids are upset or stressed, I feel it is my responsibility to fix this. What craziness is this?

I think this stems from my childhood and not having anyone care about my feelings. It didn't matter how irresponsible I was or what stressful feelings I had, there was no one who really cared. So, when I had kids I thought I would make sure my kids always knew how much I cared and loved them. I thought that dropping everything to help them was a way to show this love to them. It got worse when I quit my job to be a stay at home mom. Then I felt like I had no excuse. So they didn't finish the laundry, I'm not doing anything today, so I'll finish it. Or they have so much homework this week, no problem I'll pick up their shoes or wash their dishes from this morning. She's stressing out about school, I must do something to help her relax. What is this craziness that goes on in my head. 

Today, it changed. I'm going to tell you that I'm chaining myself to this chair as I write this. The guilt is overwhelming. My daughter forgot some cookies that she was supposed to bring to class today because SHE forgot them. She runs late every morning and leaves the house forgetting things, like eating breakfast or bringing cookies. So, she proceeds to try to guilt me into bringing them back to school to her. I stood my ground and said no. I mean just yesterday my other daughter needed a black shirt for her extra curricular activity, so what did I do, drop everything to get her a black shirt, snacks for the trip, black pants just in case she needed those too, made her special snacks since she has allergies, etc. can you see my sickness. Today it changed. 

After talking to some other moms, I realized too that it's time my girls realize I'm not always going to be there to pick up the pieces for them. I'm not always going to be there to de-stress them. I'm not always going to be there to make sure the food is allergy free. I'm not always going to be there to rescue them from their irresponsible actions. It's their responsibility to take care of themselves.

Why as moms do we feel guilty for this. I envy my husband, who has none of my sickness for sure. He will see my girls stressing and he will go into another room and play a game on his iPad giving it not another thought. It's not that he doesn't care. It's that he can tell when it's something they need to resolve on their own or when we need to step in. He would tell me, "is it going to kill her to not have the cookies at school today?" When they stress and he doesn't know how to help, he just says so naturally that we need to pray for her. Why is that not my first thought? My first thought is to fix it. I think at times we both try to go out of our ways to make sure they get what they want if it is at all possible. But then there are times where we look at each other and say what are we doing. Granted there are times when our kids need our support, but there is a fine line between support and fixing it for them. I'm slowly learning the difference. And I do mean slowly learning this, but thankfully God is there to help me.

I don't want my kids to grow up and leave my house thinking there is always going to be a "secretary" there to fix everything or a person there who is going to de-stress them at the drop of a hat. I want responsible adults leaving this house. I want them to stop and pray about the things that are stressing them out. So as of today, I'm going on strike. Well, at least, I'm going to start weighing which things to help my kids with and which to leave up to them to figure out and to pay the consequences of, and I'm going to PRAY about all of it. 

I love when God takes a moment out of his busy day to teach me a lesson. I'm so thankful for the ladies God has surrounded around me to use as his voice. I'm thankful for those eye opening moments where God releases me from the self-guilt and shows me that it's okay to not rescue them from everything! I'm just so thankful for my God who has created rest and has told me that it's okay if my every moment is not filled with tasks for my family. It's okay to not jump in and rescue everyone. I'm not lazy or uncaring if allow my kids to figure things out on their own or to stumble sometimes. I don't have to feel guilty for this. Instead I can rest in Gods promise that he's got this in his hands. He has them in his hands. 

So now it's Time to rest! I choose to find the joy in this day!

In Christ's love,

~Tina Foster~