Out with the old, in with the new 2016!

I've learned a lot this year about casting my burdens over to God. This year started off pretty good. Family was well, kids were great, husband was happy.  We kicked off our 24th wedding anniversary with a public celebration to praise God for guiding us through 24 years of marriage in July. If any of you have been married for any time at all, you know this is no easy feat. I knew then that we were spitting in the face of Satan. What I wasn't exactly prepared for was his revenge. 

I remember one of the people at the ceremony saying to me that she would be praying hard for us this year because we were publicly praising God and offending Satan. I didn't give this a lot of thought at the time, but now is another story. 

It started very shortly after our renewing of our vows. We decided to do it this this year to save money for a big trip on a cruise for us and our two teens next year. We thought this would be a great way to celebrate. Little did I know it would be a lesson, instead, of trusting on God's sovereignty. 

Things were good. I was saving money towards our trip, looking for destinations, planning for passports and getting everyone excited. Before school stared, God brought us an exchange student from Norway to take care of for a school year.  School started and things were looking good. Then the first lesson came. The washing machine stopped working. Now, I thought, "yeah, it's about time for this to quit. It's only about 15 years old. No big deal." Luckily, God prepared us for this and there was a free financing for 6 months. No problem. 

Shortly, and I do mean shortly, thereafter I go to do laundry and my dryer has stopped working. What? Ok! Again, this wasn't a new dryer so I chalked it up to age. I call the guy to see if it can be fixed and he looks at me with astonishment in his eyes and says, " Mrs. Foster, thank God this dryer didn't catch fire. The switch that is supposed to keep it from overheating wasn't working and there is a last resort fail safe in the dryer that turns it off. Most times these fail in this type of dryer, this one didn't. God was looking out for you." Wow. I felt extremely lucky. But now here I was charged with buying another big appliance. Again God was gracious and we could get 6 months free financing again. We still hadn't paid off the washer, but I felt like it would be ok. 

All was going good until about a month later, I went to start dinner and the microwave quit working. I probably had about a 20 minute crying fit before I realized it was going to be okay. Thanks to my husband, the voice of reason, I was able to come up with some money to buy the cheapest over the stove microwave I could get. With three kids, you just need a microwave. 

About now is when I started remembering what the lady at our renewal said about praying hard for us this year because we were offending Satan. I have to admit I was very frustrated, but i continued to pray and trust God that he would provide. 

While all these unexpected things were happening, I was still dealing with my health issues of a pinched nerve in my sciatic and my daughters health issues. The money was flying out of our hands and I was robbing Peter to pay Paul some days. 

I'd love to say that was the end of it, but, no, it wasn't. God intervened in a big way for me. I got an overwhelming feeling that I was to help a lady out by driving her to and from her cancer treatments. I thought at first, no way. I mean I didn't know her and with my back issues driving is painful for me. I once taught her daughter in church, but that was it. I'd never met her. Did I mention, I'm an introvert, a diehard introvert? It terrifies me to meet new people. Well, God wouldn't let it go, so I did it. I picked her up from her treatment and took her home. This was such a blessing to me. This woman is coping with stage four cancer, has 5 kids, a husband who is a police officer and puts his life in the line of duty every day, and she still works and runs her own business. This woman even blessed me with taking her time to pray over my issues and my life. God used her to show me his faithfulness. 

A few more mishaps have happened like my daughter's first driving accident, a shed leaking and needing a new roof, trees that had to come down before they fell down and just this week a wonderful Christmas present of the septic pump quitting on us. And then three, yes three, cars needing worked on because of problems which cost over 1500 dollars. I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown or running away for good. But God is still sovereign. God is still working for the good of me and my family because we love him. So Satan has his vengeance, but God is there with his angels fighting for us. How do I know this you might ask? Because each morning and night he fills my heart and mind with his word and his peace. My husband and I have started reading God's word aloud to each other at night. It's the only thing that's keeping me sane right now. God is sending me peace through the devotions I'm receiving and the prayers of some great friends. Just today, as I'm praying that sewage doesn't leak into my house after 3 teen girls take their showers, one very good friend sends me a funny video and tells me she has donated a water buffalo in my name to a needy person in Asia as our Christmas gift. God has not abandoned me. He is still showing his love to me. Even in the face of having to shell out another large sum to have a septic pumped out, he's giving me laughter and love through a friend. I know there are many more people out there suffering from way worse things than me and my family, so I'm trying to keep my perspective. I'm just thankful that God is still with me and guiding me through this. "My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness." Well, I have a lot of weakness, so I'm glad my God is my strength! 

Thank you Jesus for being faithful to your promises. I'm praying that 2016 is a much better year for us. I'm praying that God allows us a peaceful year and allows me to get healthy this year. He's always provided for our needs and I believe he will do the same in this new year. I pray he keeps my whole family on his path and we can keep our eyes on Him. God is our strength! 

Goodbye 2015!!  HELLO 2016!

In Christ's Love,
Tina

Norwegian Cuisine

Week three
Life is starting to settle in with our newest family member. I had to laugh yesterday. Melissa introduced my daughters to a fine cuisine from Norway. Ready for this... Ramen noodles! Yep, I have to say my girls have never had the pleasure of eating Ramen noodles. I thought it was so funny! Kelsey, of course, couldn't partake of these Norwegian noodles because she is gluten free. Melissa seemed so happy to be able to share these with the girls. I love her spirit! She's so much fun to be around. She was definitely in her happy place!

I'd ask you to pray for all the exchange students in this country. One of Melissa's friends was place in a home that was mistreating her. She had to call her local coordinator to be removed from the home. Many people think this is a chance to earn money from these kids or free labor. No, it's a chance to show these kids a different way of life. For me it's a way to share Jesus's love to someone who's never been to this country. I feel so blessed to be able to do this for Melissa and Melissa felt very blessed to be in our home. So please be in prayer for these kids. Many of them it's their first time away from home which is halfway across the world. For many English is a second language and it's still difficult to understand us. Melissa has had 9 years of English and yet our slang can throw her off. I can't even imagine the courage it takes these young people and their parents to come to another country, trust these host parents, and to go to a school trying to understand our culture and schooling. I'm so in awe of these kids and in their courage and strength. They are cut off from family, really only supposed to talk to them once a week, and friends. So, I ask that you pray for these kids. Just this week Melissa's mom was worried about her because of a shooting out in Moneta, only about 30min away. She's across the world in a country where she literally has no control and cannot protect her daughter, she's trusting her host family to protect her daughter. As a mom of two teens, I'd be out of my head with worry. So the courage these kids and family have is so encouraging to me! I'm in prayer for them each day, I invite you to be also!

To end this week on a high note, I'm learning that my purpose on this earth is to magnify and glorify God in everything I do. In this season of my life, I find myself focusing more on the circumstances of my life instead of how to glorify God in my circumstances. After going to a women's retreat this weekend, God reminded me that I have his power inside me and I'm able to glorify him even in my circumstances. This same power that spoke to the sun and gave it power to shine, lives in me.  I love being able to host Melissa and to be a mom. I love being able to mentor middle school and high school girls. I love being a wife. I'm glad God has given me these way in life to glorify him. So, now I'm praying he helps me to focus on him and not my circumstances, because I know I can't do it on my own. So thank you, God, for the reminder.

In Christ's Love,
Tina

Week two in America!

Week two
The first day of school here and the first day for Melissa in an American school. When I asked her how it went she said, "good, except English class." I think this class may be a little too strict for her. She is a trooper though, she's willing to give it another chance tomorrow. She seems to think some of her other teachers and classes are going to be fun. I'm praying she adapts well to all of her classes.

We are ending the night with a fun game of "Forbidden Island." Melissa loves to play games, oh and so does the rest of my family. Me not so much! Integrating her into this family will be fairly easy. She has a great many interests that we all share in. I'm looking forward to watching her enthusiasm each day!

Yes, we must be doing something right, on God's path for sure!  How do I know, because satan is causing us trouble big time! He not only broke the dryer this past weekend, he actually killed it! Yep it's time to buy a new dryer. Cha-Ching! Did you hear that, yep money going out of my hands again! It's all good though, because God spared us. My wonderful appliance guy, Jay, who I recommend 100%, told me that the heating element was still heating even when it turned off and could have caused a fire, but "miraculously" the safety kicked in and cut the power to the element! He said he's seen more problems with that type of dryer than any other. So what satan wanted to use for evil, God used for good! Plus I got to teach all three girls how to hang clothes on the line, which they didn't know how to do nor have they ever HAD to do! I love my God!!


 Well what a wonderful way to end a not so good week. We took the family to a cabin in the James River State Park. We had the chance to disconnect from the world and technology, which seemed to be a little hard for the girls, but it was peaceful. The girls played games, many of them in fact. Saturday we woke up early to take a four hour river trip in kayaks. Oh, man this was breath taking and beautiful! We all had so much fun! I realized that Melissa has the energy of all four of us combined together. We got back to the cabin around 2pm and she said, " so what are we going to do now?" I said, "take a nap!" And she laughed. I, unfortunately was dead serious! Lol. But around 4pm we got in the car and went to the visitor center then started to walk on a walking trail.  We went to a lookout where the Tye river empties into the James River. It's really beautiful! So much fun!

God taught me this weekend that with his strength we can do anything. I was worried about going down the river in a kayak with my back issues, but God just took care of everything. I even had to "tow" Juliana for a short time because her kayak kept wanting to turn backwards. I thought there would be no way I wouldn't be sore later that evening, but, no, I wasn't and I was able to go on a long walk with the family! When you take time to look around and see God's creation it helps so much to put things in perspective! I'm so thankful for all that God does for us, even when he knows we need to struggle a bit to learn to rely on him.

So, having Melissa with us this week has been a real joy. She always has a beautiful smile on her face and her laugh is contagious! She loves to play games. Watching her and the family play this weekend was well worth disconnecting from technology! Watching her joy on the river brought the joy to all of us. So, God, thanks for bringing joy into our lives this weekend through family time, no technology, beautiful nature and lots of strength and love!

In Christ's Love,
Tina

Welcome to America, Melissa!

August 13,2015. Week one
Today we got an addition to our family. Our new exchange student Melissa arrived. Poor thing missed her flight from Charlotte to Lynchburg and spent six hours by herself in the airport. As a mom of two teenagers myself, I was terrified for her. We live 3 hours away, but I was ready to hop in a car and go get her. But, as God would have it, she was able to secure a ticket to the last flight out of Charlotte. So, as any good mom would do, I hounded her with texts to make sure she was ok! I'm sure between her own mom in Norway and her "foster" mom in Lynchburg, she was sick of hearing , "are you okay?" But that's me! I love kids! Already my heart was filled with love for this seventeen year old girl!

Once she got off the plane at midnight, I thought I couldn't be any happier to see someone get off the plane. She walked off with this beautiful smile even with undertones of tiredness. She came right up to us and gave the whole family a big hug like she had known us forever! It was like welcoming my own daughter back home!

God has a big adventure planned for all of this year! In my natural self I can be very anxious and worried, but I'm choosing to see this adventure through the eyes of God this year. I hope to document this journey he has our family, including Melissa, on this year. Oh, I know there will be challenges with three teens in the house and all girls, but God is a great teacher. I want to be a great student and listen to his guidance. I know he has so much for all of us to learn.

So, as I sit here waiting for my family to wake up and start a new day, I'm encouraged by how great our God is! He got this beautiful seventeen year old girl from Norway to little old Lynchburg here safely and he brought her to my house! What a faithful God we have! I'm really looking forward to getting to know this new member of our family. We both have so much to learn.

So, God, bring on the adventure!

Day two: Already this sweet girl is fitting in perfectly with the family. Today was orientation at the high school. Nothing seemed to phase her. Her enthusiasm is contagious. She's so excited to be going to an American high school, if only the American kids I have in my home were as excited as she is. Tomorrow she gets her own schedule and we're off to school shop.

Tonight she is being introduced to some wonderful new friends from the high school. These young girls are taking the time to come out to Panera Bread to welcome her to the school and this community. One thing Melissa said to me earlier was that Americans were so friendly. "They just start talking to you." I'm so glad she has had that experience. She said she wanted to take that welcoming atmosphere back to Norway with her.

Day three: well my new daughter is all signed up for classes and has all her school supplies. Who knew getting someone signed up for a few high school classes could be so challenging?  This young girl is such a delight. She has such a sense of excitement about her. I asked if she was nervous about the school or getting to classes, "nope" she says! She was even excited to take a gym class, even though my daughters looked at her like she was crazy! She even said the most exciting part was riding an American school bus! Yep, I believe she is going to be good for us.

If you've read any of my previous blogs or know me at all, you know I suffer from chronic back pain. Well, today was no different, but something miraculous happened for me today. I woke up in excruciating pain and I thought to myself, " no, how am I going to get through this day?" So I went to God in prayer and told God that I could not do this on my own I desperately needed his help today. Then I got on my phone and texted my prayer warriors! I knew I needed to leave around 10:30 to make our guidance appointment. I put a heating pad on my back and took two Alieve and nothing, still massive pain. So again, I prayed and asked God to help me get through this day. I had no choice but to go, Melissa had to have her schedule and supplies for school on Monday. Well, wouldn't you know it, as soon as 10:30 got here, I got the girls ready and we were about to leave and, praise God, but my pain subsided. Yep, my God kept the pain at a manageable level until we were on our way back home at 5pm. I was truly amazed and was so praising God for his faithfulness!! I'm so glad I got to experience this day pain free with all my girls!

Day four: well satan is not happy with us, so today he did a very mean thing, he broke my dryer. He knew we had three teen girls and two parents with a lot of laundry to get done this weekend before school starts. Good for us God is on our side. My handyman, aka my hubby, built me a clothes line out back. Anyone remember those. Well, I'm not crazy about it, but, hey, I'm not about to let satan take this beautiful day away from me. Of course, Melissa was next in line to get her clothes washed, so we are welcoming her to the art of hanging clothes on the line! So much fun!

Today was also the dreaded day of grocery shopping. I truly hate to grocery shop and why, someone tell me, did I decide to do it on a Saturday? What was I thinking? Usually I go during the week, but with school starting Monday I knew the girls would need some items for lunches. Well, again satan was trying to frustrate me, as God would have, I let it go over my head. By back was paining me, I kept forgetting to get items, too many people in one isle and workers putting up stock, but eventually an hour and a half later I was walking out with a months worth of groceries under 300$.

Final day of this week and the favorite, Sunday, church day! I love my church and community. I love how they surround us with love and support in everything we do! We got to introduce Melissa to some of those great friends and she got to meet some awesome high school kids and leaders. I'm praying Melissa enjoys her time with us, but also that she is able to see God in a new way. He loves her even more than we do!

Well, that wraps up the first week in American with our newest family member! Some ups and some downs, but God is with us always!

In Christ's Love,
Tina Foster

We are a mere vapor on this earth

I can remember when my daughters were first born. People would tell  me to cherish this time that if you blink they would be grown up. At the time I thought, "yeah sure!" I remember when they wouldn't sleep at night or were colicky and thinking, "oh how I wish they'd grow out of this" or "when is this ever going to end." I can remember not being able to wait until they could walk, talk, cut their own sandwich, go to school, or clean their own room. I don't know when exactly it happened, but at some point I started to want to go backwards. I mean maybe it was when they started school and I thought, "how can you be old enough to to go to school?" Or maybe it was when they were graduating from the 5th grade and going to middle school. Or perhaps it's now because I'm looking at my daughter getting ready for her job and about to drive herself to work.

I scoffed at those people who said treasure this time because it goes by fast. I never really thought it would. When your in the midst of a crying fit, and not just me, or the horrible twos or even listening to a sassy teen during the teen years, you think this is the worst time and can't wait for them to get past it. Today I've been given a rare glimpse into, maybe, how God views our time on earth. He says we are hear for very short time. James says we are but a vapor on this earth. Now I'm beginning to believe it.

Today was the last day of school for my 9th grader and my 11th grader. Next year my daughter will be a senior in high school. What? When did that happen? And my baby will be a sophomore! Did I fall asleep and someone push me forward into the future. I feel like just yesterday they were singing the Little Mermaid and playing dress up. When did they go from that to working a job and driving and becoming teens in high school? How did time fly by so fast? I wanted them to grow up and move beyond different stages and now it seems like I want them to go backwards.

Now I'm grasping at moments to spend with my teen girls, who at his point in their life want nothing to do with mom. I look at how short my time with them in this house is and think, "how can I stop time from passing so quickly." Is there a time machine to go backwards?

Why is it I can't seem to enjoy today for what it brings. Why are we always looking for a "better" time. God gave me a wake up call. I want to breathe in the beauty he has given me for today. I want to soak in the moments he puts in front of me today. I want to treasure the time I have with loved ones and friends today.

I don't know when it happened, but at some point my girls grew up and it happened right in front of my eyes. I'm trying not to focus so much on the time I have left with them, but on the time I have with them today. I want to make memories that they will cherish. I want to spend time with them that they will treasure. I want to seek joy with them that they will soak up.

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. We get 18 years to nurture and raise our kids. What a huge gift and yet it is so short in the grand scheme of things. Many of us, me included, take it for granted, wish the time away, or look for a better time.

I've so enjoyed watching my daughters grow into beautiful, godly, responsible young women. My heart soars to see them functioning in this world. Yes, sometimes I worry did I teach her this,  did I show her that, or have I exampled this for her. I don't believe you ever stop teaching your kids or worrying about them, but I'm glad they have a father in heaven who loves them even more than I do to guide them in this dysfunctional world. Oh, and I'm glad God allows me to come along for the ride and the occasional instruction to my daughters. I'm so proud of who they are and that they  are Gods daughters as well.

So for you new mothers out there, treasure this time with your kids, spend as much time as you can, don't always look to a time when things will be better, but enjoy the moment your in now. Enjoy what God has allowed you to experience right now, because in a mere vapor it will be gone. They'll be grown up and it will happen right before your eyes!

In Christ's love,
~Tina Foster~

Nuisance or Joy

As I look out the window at the snow falling for the first time this year, I'm thinking about how some people around here may see this snow as a disappointment. They see it as a nuisance and a pain. They see it as something to sludge through. It's interesting how something can be a beautiful, wonderful thing to one person can also seem like a nuisance, ugly mess to someone else. Today God is teaching me that disappointments are a part of life, but that we can choose to see the joy and positive side of things. 

We all have days where we expect things to go a certain way, a person is supposed to act a certain way, or we should bounce back from injury quicker than we think. When those things don't go our way, or people disappoint us, or that injury doesn't get better the way we hoped, we feel disappointed and see things in a negative way. That's me today. My day didn't go as planned. People didn't do things that I thought they should. My health is not getting better like I thought it should be getting. So here I sit thinking about the negative. As much as I want to, I cannot get over the negative thoughts. They have captured my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions. I hate it. I can hear satan laughing at me. That I hate too. 

Each day I remind myself that my God loves me even when people disappoint me, even when things don't go the way I thought they should, even when my health gets worse, even when my day just seems to be the worst day ever. I have a choice to sit and get bitter over the things that disappointed me or I can choose to find joy and look for positive things in my life. Joy is different from happiness. I'm not happy about the disappointing things in my life, but I can choose to see the joy that God has blessed me with. As a human being this is not easy and I cannot do it alone. 

I'm learning I am in dire need of God to help me with this. I cannot do this apart from him. Apart from him, I want to give up. I want to have a pity party. So, no I cannot do this alone. Just because I choose joy doesn't mean that my disappoints will go away, that my life will be perfect. I also cannot flip a switch and make myself joyful. I need God. 

Today God gave me a piece of joy. It's snowing. I love a good snow day. It always reminds me of when my girls were little and we'd go outside all bundled up and play in the snow. We'd go to the top of our small hill in the back yard and put the sled down and take turns sliding down the hill. Now the hill is not a massive hill, in fact it's pretty small in most people's mind. But for us, for me, it was the best  hill for sledding. I can still hear their laughs, their falling over in the snow making snow angels, their giggles as they throw a snowball at each other and at me, their beautiful smiles as they decide how to make our snowman this time. 

I can be sad too because my girls are not little anymore, I'm not really healthy enough to go down a hill today, and the girls are not really into our little hill for sleigh riding anymore. But you know what? I'm still going to choose to remember the joy we had and the joy we can have. I'm thankful they are home with me. I'm thankful they are safe. I'm blessed my oldest can sleep off her cold she has been suffering with. I'm thankful for hot coffee and Oreo cheesecake. I'm thankful for the foot warmer I call my dog. I find joy in sitting here watching God blanket my yard with this beautiful thing called snow!

So I pray that today whether you like snow or not take a moment to find some joy in what God has blessed you with today! And don't do it alone, pray for Gods help. His joy can overcome our disappointments. 

In Christ's love,

~Tina Foster~ 

Bible study is eye opening.

Last night I had a group of middle school girls over for our weekly life group and bible study night. We are studying the book of James. I had given them a homework assignment to read James 1:1-8 and do what is called SOAP. S stands for scripture. You read the scripture thoroughly. O stands for observation. What is God trying to say to us in this scripture? A is for application. How does God want us to apply this scripture to our lives. And P is for prayer. Asking God to help us with this application. This is a way to help them read the bible and break it down so they can understand it a little better. I was so thrilled when I realized that everyone did their assignment. Not only did they do it, but they all had some really good insight from the scripture. 

You know I'm one of the leaders of this group, but so many times I learn from these girls. It always amazes me how God speaks to them. I listen to their insights and feel the presence of God in their lives. Overall, they are moving towards God each week. 

Last night we also set up some spiritual goals for us this year. I told them that spiritual goals are goals we make that help us grow closer to God or help make us women after Gods own heart. For example, if you want to be more content with your life or you want to find more joy in all circumstances.  Then they find a verse in the bible that speaks to this and to them, because we cannot do these things alone, apart from God we are nothing. After that we make a plan to aid us in moving towards this goal. For example, we can write the scripture down and place it where we see it often reminding us that God is growing us and that we need to pray to him often about this goal or like for joy in all circumstances we can have a journal to write things we are thankful for or things that went well in our day as a reminder that not everything went wrong that day. There was some joy to be found and spending more time on that then the negative affects our attitude. 

These girls took to this like ducks to water. I was so amazed at how they jumped in for this activity. As leaders we helped guide them to verses or help make a plan, but they knew exactly what they needed to work on with God for their spiritual goal. It was so great watching them dive into their bibles looking for verses that spoke to them. 

Each day, I will be praying for these girls as they work towards their goal. I will be walking beside them to help encourage them on the days when it seems like they've failed or those days when it seems too hard. I know, because I too have a spiritual goal. My goal is so way out of who I am that I know I cannot do it without God or accountability. So I know how important it is to have those people who care about me enough to bring me back to God when I stray. 

These ladies mean the world to me and to their Father. Their spiritual walk is precious to me. Their ups and downs are shared with me. I feel the pain of their prayer requests and I pray for them often. I know them well enough to know when something is off with them. I want them always to know they have someone here on earth who's in their corner. 

Yes, these ladies inspire me to be a woman after Gods own heart. I love their hearts. I love to hear their prayer requests and the excitement in their voices when one of those prayer requests is answered. Their eyes light up, and joy spills through. 

I don't know how I got so blessed to be a part of these ladies' lives, but what an honor it is to be with them. Praise Jesus for his mercy and grace and blessings on me and these girls. 

Please take a minute with me to pray over this life group of girls. Pray for their hearts, pray for their walk, pray for their perseverance, pray for their quiet time while studying James, and pray for their movement towards their spiritual goals. Also pray for the other two leaders and myself. As James says, we have a great responsibility and are sometimes judged more harshly because we are leaders. Help us in our walk, with our hearts, for our perseverance, for our quiet time with God, and for our movement towards our spiritual goals. We must go before them. 

Praise be to God for this opportunity! 

In Christ's love,

~Tina Foster~   

I love my kids but some days I just don't like them.

I love my kids but some days I just don't like them. I think all parents have gone through this. Those days when our kids don't conform to our way or do things that just pluck our very last nerve. Some days those teens seem so irresponsible that you think, " how are these kids going to make it out in the world?" Admit it, we all have felt this way about our kids at some point and if you haven't yet, you will. 

I love my kids so much that I have taken the responsibility on myself to MAKE my kids be the way I think they should be, to make sure they never fail, to make sure I'm there to pick them up every time they fall. What is wrong with me? Ok I know I'm not the only one. I know this because recently I've been talking to some of my friends and they too have taken on the responsibility of being the secretary to our kids. Being there so they don't fail or stumble and ruin their lives. 

As you know I have two teens. In the past, when my kids have forgotten something at home that they needed at school, I would be the first to say, "I'll bring it to you." So I rearrange my day so I can go home get whatever was forgotten and bring it to school. I'm also the one who when my child comes home and says I have to have this or that for school tomorrow, I go out of my way to get this or that. Well, today it hit me after reading my bible study from Priscilla Shirer called Breathe, that I have become slaves to my family. No fault of their own but all myself. When my kids are upset or stressed, I feel it is my responsibility to fix this. What craziness is this?

I think this stems from my childhood and not having anyone care about my feelings. It didn't matter how irresponsible I was or what stressful feelings I had, there was no one who really cared. So, when I had kids I thought I would make sure my kids always knew how much I cared and loved them. I thought that dropping everything to help them was a way to show this love to them. It got worse when I quit my job to be a stay at home mom. Then I felt like I had no excuse. So they didn't finish the laundry, I'm not doing anything today, so I'll finish it. Or they have so much homework this week, no problem I'll pick up their shoes or wash their dishes from this morning. She's stressing out about school, I must do something to help her relax. What is this craziness that goes on in my head. 

Today, it changed. I'm going to tell you that I'm chaining myself to this chair as I write this. The guilt is overwhelming. My daughter forgot some cookies that she was supposed to bring to class today because SHE forgot them. She runs late every morning and leaves the house forgetting things, like eating breakfast or bringing cookies. So, she proceeds to try to guilt me into bringing them back to school to her. I stood my ground and said no. I mean just yesterday my other daughter needed a black shirt for her extra curricular activity, so what did I do, drop everything to get her a black shirt, snacks for the trip, black pants just in case she needed those too, made her special snacks since she has allergies, etc. can you see my sickness. Today it changed. 

After talking to some other moms, I realized too that it's time my girls realize I'm not always going to be there to pick up the pieces for them. I'm not always going to be there to de-stress them. I'm not always going to be there to make sure the food is allergy free. I'm not always going to be there to rescue them from their irresponsible actions. It's their responsibility to take care of themselves.

Why as moms do we feel guilty for this. I envy my husband, who has none of my sickness for sure. He will see my girls stressing and he will go into another room and play a game on his iPad giving it not another thought. It's not that he doesn't care. It's that he can tell when it's something they need to resolve on their own or when we need to step in. He would tell me, "is it going to kill her to not have the cookies at school today?" When they stress and he doesn't know how to help, he just says so naturally that we need to pray for her. Why is that not my first thought? My first thought is to fix it. I think at times we both try to go out of our ways to make sure they get what they want if it is at all possible. But then there are times where we look at each other and say what are we doing. Granted there are times when our kids need our support, but there is a fine line between support and fixing it for them. I'm slowly learning the difference. And I do mean slowly learning this, but thankfully God is there to help me.

I don't want my kids to grow up and leave my house thinking there is always going to be a "secretary" there to fix everything or a person there who is going to de-stress them at the drop of a hat. I want responsible adults leaving this house. I want them to stop and pray about the things that are stressing them out. So as of today, I'm going on strike. Well, at least, I'm going to start weighing which things to help my kids with and which to leave up to them to figure out and to pay the consequences of, and I'm going to PRAY about all of it. 

I love when God takes a moment out of his busy day to teach me a lesson. I'm so thankful for the ladies God has surrounded around me to use as his voice. I'm thankful for those eye opening moments where God releases me from the self-guilt and shows me that it's okay to not rescue them from everything! I'm just so thankful for my God who has created rest and has told me that it's okay if my every moment is not filled with tasks for my family. It's okay to not jump in and rescue everyone. I'm not lazy or uncaring if allow my kids to figure things out on their own or to stumble sometimes. I don't have to feel guilty for this. Instead I can rest in Gods promise that he's got this in his hands. He has them in his hands. 

So now it's Time to rest! I choose to find the joy in this day!

In Christ's love,

~Tina Foster~ 

Parental Influence

"... Nothing can derail or skyrocket the faith of a teen more than the involvement of a parent."  A quote by Johnny Scott, a youth pastor, from the book "Refining the Win". As a parent of teens and a teen youth leader, this section spoke deeply to me. I love my daughters so much. As a parent you want so much more for your kids. All I ever wanted was to be a mom and not just a mom, but a good mom, a faithful mom. This quote means that we as parents are the biggest influence in our kids lives. What we say, do or don't do influences our kids. That game you took off work to go to, that time you laid around watching movies with your sick child, that silly game you played with your child all these things influence our kids. I think those times where they think we are nagging them influences them too. But those times where we forget the play, or that time we didn't take an interest in the fact that they've had a bad day, those influence them too. 

I'm a mom of two teenage girls and there are times when I wonder if I have any influence over them at all. Some days it feels like we speak and it goes in one ear and out the other. Scott says that current research shows that even though parents don't feel like they count, "they are still the largest contributing factor to the spiritual formation .." of their kids. We are on the front lines of forming our kids identity. If we keep engaged in our kids lives we have a great opportunity to influence their lives. Even though teens balk at all the questions and most of the time all we as parents get are one word answers, we have to stay engaged. It's so easy to just say okay or  whatever and move on, it does nothing to help our kids. They want us to care and be involved. They want us to at least ask the questions and be the parent who cares enough to find out the answers. 

I think this is no more important than in the spiritual influence we have in our teens lives. God told us to impress the word of God on our children, to talk to them about these commandments when sitting at home, walking along the road, when you lie down, when you get up, to tie them around your hands and bind them on your foreheads, and write them on the doorframes of your houses. (Deuteronomy 6) God has given us an appointment to speak truth in our kids lives. Our faith does influence our kids. 

We have a great opportunity to speak truth in our kids lives. This is a time to show our kids how much God means to us. 

Something God taught me last year was how negative thoughts can be like a cancer in a family. I have a natural tendency to be negative. I don't want to be but I am. Towards the middle of the year or so, God showed me that I have so much to be joyful for, not happy for, but joyful for. I never really knew there was a difference in joy and happiness. 

My daughter came to me about a week or so before we were to go on vacation. She said God had laid it on her heart to get up around 5:30am to have quiet time with him every morning. Now this is a teenager, in the summer time when she could sleep half a day, and she wanted to start this while on vacation at the beach. I thought to myself what would make her do this? She told me she'd been reading a book by Dana Gresh and this book had been showing her how to be joyful and thankful for what she had and to do that she needed to spend more quiet time with him. Not just quiet time, but time where she was devoted to thanking him for everything and for focusing on the joyful things in her life. I was blown away. I thought, " why am I not doing this?" Well God and I know I'm not a morning person like my daughter, but I have made an effort every morning first thing to spend time with God. Not just time with him, but positive time with him. I've been going through his truth and picking out all the things God is to me and has done for me. I meditate on these positive things and praise him for them. I have found joy real joy in doing this. 

Back to parents influencing kids. I started noticing how negative my family had gotten. It seemed like every word coming out of their mouths was negative.  I had started a cancer in my family. I hated the thought that my negative influence on them had brought them to this place of negative thoughts, negative emotions, complaining, and negative feelings. So, I decided it was time to spend more time focusing on the positive things and the joyful things and being thankful for what I had than on any negative things. 

I suffer from chronic pain and right now I'm going through a pinched nerve in my back. This alone can easily pull me into a massive depression. But God is doing a great work in me. He's showing me that there is still joy in the middle of my struggle. He's shown me this through a bible study on the book of Job no less, talk about some struggles, through many verses he puts in my path, through my quiet time with him, through the prayers of my friends, and, yes, through my daughter. I'm amazed at what focusing on the positive truths of God has done for me. I read just today in a Purpose Driven Life devotion written by Rick Warren that said, "satans favorite favorite tool is negative emotions." I don't want to give satan any reason to be happy. 

Around Christmas each year my family and I talk about spiritual goals we want to have for the new year coming up. We access the old spiritual goals then talk about setting new goals. Well mine last year was to be more positive and to see myself the way God sees me. So I asked my family what they saw. Did I seem to do that? Did I focus more on the positive things in my life and on God's truth about who I am or not? They all said they had seen a difference in my attitude and the way I handled things. Even my girls had changed their outlook on things. Just last night one them came home all upset about failing a test and not having a good day, but she said this to me, " at least, mom, I tried to have a good attitude about it. I didn't get upset until I got in the car. I tried to look at the positive as much as possible." Talk about influencing someone! Normally she's like me, when I'm unhappy everyone is unhappy! But today she chose to see joy in the middle of a trial or struggle. 

So, yes, parents, our kids are listening to us and watching us to see how we handle everyday life as a Christian. Are we practicing what we preach? Are we staying engaged in our kids lives? Are we asking the tough questions even when we get only one word answers, oh how I hate that? Are we taking the time to ask others about our kids? Are we talking about God's word to our kids? Are we making sure we point them back to the truth of who God says we are and not letting them waddle in the puddle of satan's lies? Are we living the Christian life? And when we fall are we repenting and asking for forgiveness, even if that means going to our kids and asking for them to forgive us? Oooh a tough one! 

Yes, we do influence our kids and other kids who are around us. Say those kids who are friends with our kids. So, what kind of influence do you want to be? Do you want them to see a person who says their a Christian and walks the walk but only on Sunday, or the Christian who walks the walk every minute of the day? Stay engaged into your kids lives. Make God a focus in the middle of this I-must-keep-busy kind of world. We put time into the things we treasure the most. Extracurricular actives, school, work, watching tv shows, whatever that is, can we put God above all those and make time for him? What an influence that would be to our kids. I know my daughter influenced me when she put aside precious teenage, in the summer at the beach sleep to spend an hour of quiet time with God. It allowed me to do the same thing and get a lot closer to the God of the universe who showed me how to "positively" influence my family. 

Just some food for thought from my experience this past year. I hope it blesses you like God blessed me. It's still something I struggle with, but I have tasted the milk and honey and I like it! 

In Christ's love,

~Tina Foster~