Motherhood: Why do I feel like a failure?

At some point in parenting you are going to ask the questions:
What am I doing wrong?
Why does this have to be so hard?
I look around at other moms and they seem to have it all together, so why do I feel like such a failure?

As parents we have many decisions to make concerning our kids. We make them based on what is best for them and what will keep them safe. So, why do we second guess ourselves and feel like failures?

"Why can't I go with my friend? We are just going to study?" "Why can't I have a smart phone, Jenny got one years ago?" "Why can't I date at 14, you're just old fashioned?"

These are I just a few questions we as parents face. There is no "how to" book that tells us the absolute right way to parent. So, what do we do? Sometimes we pole our friends and see what other people are doing. Then we second guess our instincts. The when things go wrong we blame ourselves.

I recently finished a great book by Lysa TerKeurst called, "Am I Messing Up My Kids?" In this book, Lysa talks about several issues that we as moms struggle with. One in particular that strikes me is the worry of am I a failure as a mom. I constantly feel like a failure at parenting. Like whatever decision I make is wrong. That my kids are going to be mad at me forever.

One of her key verses she helps us focus on is Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  This verse has helped me more times than I can count. When I don't know the right thing to say to my child or when I'm worried my child will grow up to hate me because I didn't give her a cell phone in kindergarten, I call upon this verse and speak it over and over in my mind. Then I take a deep breath and I get on my knees and ask God to take away my worry and anxiety. I ask him to guide my decisions. 


I love what verse seven says, "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." That is where I find my hope. I know that once I have given over my worries and burdens to God and asked for his help, that I will find peace.

Motherhood has its challenges. Many sleepless nights, ungrateful attitudes, unending housework, constant carpooling, and so much more. I tend to prison myself in state of guilt or second guess myself over the decisions I make. I wonder if I'm failing my kids. Then I stop to remember the truth that God tells me and I give over my guilt and second guessing to Him who can give me peace.

No, my kids didn't have a cell phone in kindergarten, and believe me some did. No, my daughter cannot date at 14 like other kids do. No, I won't let her go off with a person I don't know well. Does this make me a bad parent just because other parents do it? No, what works for one family doesn't work for another. I don't have to base my success as a mom on what others are doing.

Society tends to skew our ideas of what we should or shouldn't allow as parents to our kids. We tend to second guess ourselves just because society thinks it should be one way and we think it should be another way. I for one have decided not to "conform to the patterns of this world" as Romans 12:2 talks about. I'm going to stop comparing myself to other parents. I'm going to take the time to pray about everything and petition God for the answers that I seek and for the guidance I need to be the best parent I can be. Yes, my kids may get mad at me, but I'm going to trust that God knows what is best for my kids. I choose to following his parenting guidelines instead of the worlds!

What about you? What have you found to be the most challenging part about parenthood? What verses have helped you along the way?

I know for me the support and prayer I have in my community has kept me as sane as I can claim to be today. I have a great group of friends who pray for me anytime I send out the SOS. Do you?

I'd love to hear your comments on these questions. Let's encourage each other to do this parenting thing God's way and not conform to this world!!

In Christ's love,
 Tina Foster

Marriage expectations: What do you mean you don't clean toilets?

Up until about seven years ago I had the wrong expectations of what marriage was supposed to be about. My husband and I have been married for almost 24years and up until recently, I had this marriage thing all wrong.

I came into this marriage with expectations. I believe all couples do. It stems from their own upbringing and society. I didn't have good role models for marriage growing up, so I had the expectation that the man I would marry would be my "Knight in Shinning Armor." He would bow to my every whim. He would satisfy my every need and want. He would be my everything. I know what you are thinking, "what fairy tales have you been watching?" Well, your right. My idea of marriage was way off.

I came to know Jesus at an early age of 12, but unfortunately didn't have the body of Christ around me to help guide me. I read my bible and knew what it said about marriage and how it was supposed to be. My husband went to church, but never really had a relationship with Jesus. He was and still is a very good man and did his best to meet my expectations. But as you might have guessed we had issues. He could not possibly be the man I had expected to be married to, no one could be. It wasn't until after some hard years and many tears and much counseling did I realize how my expectations were wrong.

I realized that only God can be all these things in my life. He is my protector; he gives me everlasting love and hope; he provides for my every need. My husband was not meant to be God. Since then I've learned that my husband can be my best friend, my lover, the father of my children, and yes even the one who cleans the toilet for me, but he can't be my everything. Only God can fill this role. Expecting my husband to be my everything sets us up for failure.

My husband came to know Jesus as his personal savior in 2007 and began a real relationship with Jesus that day. Since then we have both seen a  new picture of marriage. God has shown us that if we put him first and our spouse second then we will have the marriage God designed for us.

After God, my husband's needs are to come before anything else. Okay, that sure didn't fit into my "little fairy tale" idea of marriage. Yes, his needs come before my own, before my kids, before my job, before my family. What are you kidding me? No, I'm not. After hearing that in a marriage class one day at my church, it all started to click for us. God gave me this man to share this life with, not to be at my beck and call. When we both put aside our selfish desires and put the other persons needs above our own only then are we truly living out the marriage God designed us to have. I know that submitting to someone else's needs goes against everything we've ever been taught, but it has
changed my marriage tremendously.

Do I still want my way in life? I sure do! Do I still wish he'd drop everything and clean the toilet for me without asking? You bet. Do I still want him to stay home and spend time with me instead of going out with the guys tonight? Most definitely. But I keep reminding myself to listen to the Holy Spirit, who whispers to me, " this is you, Tina, being selfish." I want you to know that this is not a one way street in our marriage. He puts my needs before his own many times, probably more than I do his. But we work together. We talk it out, check our own motives and decide what is right. That is a huge start! Then and only then can he truly be my "Knight in Shinning Armor!"

Ephesians 4:20-24 "20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful 
desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be 
like God in true righteousness and holiness."

Ephesians 5:21 "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

In Christ's love,
Tina Foster

Why in the world would I want a blog

Yes, I asked myself that same question, " why in the world would I want a blog?" I know I am not  a writer. I was horrible in English while in school and not much better now. I hated writing papers and my spelling and grammar were atrocious. "So, why am I now writing a blog?" you ask? Because I feel that God gives me these lessons sometimes that he wants me to share.

I get these thoughts or lessons, as I like to call them, about something going on in my life right at the moment and get the overwhelming urge to write about them and to tell my friends. I know I'm supposed to share them, but I'm not so sure how sometimes. That's when God introduced the blog idea. I thought to myself that it sounded ridiculous to think someone would actually want to read something I have written. But if you look back in the bible, God used so many people to teach others a lesson. He used Paul to teach and even Timothy who was young and not experienced. I mean look at Moses, he didn't even think he could speak to people and yet God used him. Okay, I'm not so naive or prideful that I think I am a Paul or a Moses, but I do think he can use ordinary, and believe me I am as ordinary as they come, people to speak messages that he has for us.

So bear with me as I try to obey God and write this blog. It may not be the most brilliant blog out there, but it does come from the heart. I'm learning as I go. The lessons God teaches me, I'd like to share with others. So, here I go. Enjoy!!


In Christ's love
Tina Foster

Calgon take me away

Have you ever had a time in your life where you think your getting ahead and then something happens to shatter that thought. It's like you take two steps forward and three steps back. Things are going good then all of a sudden the washer breaks and you have to buy a new one or someone gets sick and your now swimming in doctor bills. Then we want to scream, " Calgon take me away!"  (I probably just gave away my age here. If you don't know that saying, google it.)

Life if so unpredictable. It seems we thought growing up that if we worked hard for what we got things would be okay. Well, we found out that is not always the truth. It is not even biblical.

Matthew 7:24-27 brings some perspective: "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash" (NIV). What's amazing about theses verses is that both the man doing right and the one doing wrong both have trials or hard times. Neither was able to escape them.

Psalm 46:10 says," be still and know that I am God." In that I find rest and peace. If I let myself focus on my trials and my struggles I can easily bring myself to my knees in a panic attack. I'm prone to do this as second nature. I find myself trying to rely on my own strength to fix things. But if I find myself on my knees and I turn to His Word I find that I gather a peace that transcends all understanding and a strength beyond measure that I didn't have before.  I keep repeating His words over and over in my head. 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything present your prayers and petition with thanksgiving to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ." Philippians 4:6-7

" Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. For I am The Lord your God and I will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"I lift my eyes up to the hills. Where does my help come from? The maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2

Over and over I repeat these verses and more, until finally His peace washes over me. No, my problems did not go away, but my attitude about them has. I no longer feel as overwhelmed as I did before. I know my God is for me, who then can possibly be against me. He will fight for me. Through prayer and petition, I know my God will guide me through this trial.

In Christ's love,
Tina Foster

Fleeting moments

Lately, God has been giving me glimpses of my life as if I'm standing outside my body. Okay, don't close this blog, bare with me. I just sent my daughters back to school. One is in 11th grade and one is just entering the high school in 9th grade. I have a friend who just sent her son to preschool for the first time and another friend sending her daughter off to college for the first time. Here is where the out of body thing comes in. I can see myself in both situations.


I remember the day I sent my daughters off to preschool thinking, " How can they be old enough for preschool already?" I saw them with their little lunch boxes and backpacks eagerly seeking out their little hooks with their names on little apples. I remember thinking where has the time gone.

Now flash forward a few years. (Another out of body experience coming.) I see myself in a couple of years dropping off my daughters at their choice of college. They are older now and not just caring a lunch box and backpack but now they are carrying their clothes and dorm supplies, driving in their cars, and saying goodbye to me. What!

Okay back to my reality. I have a couple more years before they leave my house, but as God shows me these glimpses, I'm getting the feeling I'm suppose to savor the moments I've been given. In Psalm 39:4 it says,"Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered how fleeting my life is." I know he doesn't want me to dwell on the past or the future, but to savor the moments of each day he has given me.

If you know anything about me, I'm all about living for today, not stressing over anything, not a worry to be had, very laid back person. Okay so I'm not that way AT all. Totally the opposite as  matter of fact. I worry about everything. So,having these out of body glimpses that God is showing me has helped me focus more on today and to leave tomorrow for God to handle.

How about you? How are you handling the changes in your life or your kids lives? Are you able to find joy in the here and now? I give God the glory for helping me see the joy in these moments of today and for helping me not focus on the past or the future.

I've enjoyed my first blog with you! Have a very blessed day and enjoy these moments for they are fleeting!

In Jesus Christ,
Tina Foster