Up until about seven years ago I had the wrong expectations of what marriage was supposed to be about. My husband and I have been married for almost 24years and up until recently, I had this marriage thing all wrong.
I came into this marriage with expectations. I believe all couples do. It stems from their own upbringing and society. I didn't have good role models for marriage growing up, so I had the expectation that the man I would marry would be my "Knight in Shinning Armor." He would bow to my every whim. He would satisfy my every need and want. He would be my everything. I know what you are thinking, "what fairy tales have you been watching?" Well, your right. My idea of marriage was way off.
I came to know Jesus at an early age of 12, but unfortunately didn't have the body of Christ around me to help guide me. I read my bible and knew what it said about marriage and how it was supposed to be. My husband went to church, but never really had a relationship with Jesus. He was and still is a very good man and did his best to meet my expectations. But as you might have guessed we had issues. He could not possibly be the man I had expected to be married to, no one could be. It wasn't until after some hard years and many tears and much counseling did I realize how my expectations were wrong.
I realized that only God can be all these things in my life. He is my protector; he gives me everlasting love and hope; he provides for my every need. My husband was not meant to be God. Since then I've learned that my husband can be my best friend, my lover, the father of my children, and yes even the one who cleans the toilet for me, but he can't be my everything. Only God can fill this role. Expecting my husband to be my everything sets us up for failure.
My husband came to know Jesus as his personal savior in 2007 and began a real relationship with Jesus that day. Since then we have both seen a new picture of marriage. God has shown us that if we put him first and our spouse second then we will have the marriage God designed for us.
After God, my husband's needs are to come before anything else. Okay, that sure didn't fit into my "little fairy tale" idea of marriage. Yes, his needs come before my own, before my kids, before my job, before my family. What are you kidding me? No, I'm not. After hearing that in a marriage class one day at my church, it all started to click for us. God gave me this man to share this life with, not to be at my beck and call. When we both put aside our selfish desires and put the other persons needs above our own only then are we truly living out the marriage God designed us to have. I know that submitting to someone else's needs goes against everything we've ever been taught, but it has
changed my marriage tremendously.
Do I still want my way in life? I sure do! Do I still wish he'd drop everything and clean the toilet for me without asking? You bet. Do I still want him to stay home and spend time with me instead of going out with the guys tonight? Most definitely. But I keep reminding myself to listen to the Holy Spirit, who whispers to me, " this is you, Tina, being selfish." I want you to know that this is not a one way street in our marriage. He puts my needs before his own many times, probably more than I do his. But we work together. We talk it out, check our own motives and decide what is right. That is a huge start! Then and only then can he truly be my "Knight in Shinning Armor!"
Ephesians 4:20-24 "20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful
desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be
like God in true righteousness and holiness."
Ephesians 5:21 "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
In Christ's love,
Tina Foster
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