"... Nothing can derail or skyrocket the faith of a teen more than the involvement of a parent." A quote by Johnny Scott, a youth pastor, from the book "Refining the Win". As a parent of teens and a teen youth leader, this section spoke deeply to me. I love my daughters so much. As a parent you want so much more for your kids. All I ever wanted was to be a mom and not just a mom, but a good mom, a faithful mom. This quote means that we as parents are the biggest influence in our kids lives. What we say, do or don't do influences our kids. That game you took off work to go to, that time you laid around watching movies with your sick child, that silly game you played with your child all these things influence our kids. I think those times where they think we are nagging them influences them too. But those times where we forget the play, or that time we didn't take an interest in the fact that they've had a bad day, those influence them too.
I'm a mom of two teenage girls and there are times when I wonder if I have any influence over them at all. Some days it feels like we speak and it goes in one ear and out the other. Scott says that current research shows that even though parents don't feel like they count, "they are still the largest contributing factor to the spiritual formation .." of their kids. We are on the front lines of forming our kids identity. If we keep engaged in our kids lives we have a great opportunity to influence their lives. Even though teens balk at all the questions and most of the time all we as parents get are one word answers, we have to stay engaged. It's so easy to just say okay or whatever and move on, it does nothing to help our kids. They want us to care and be involved. They want us to at least ask the questions and be the parent who cares enough to find out the answers.
I think this is no more important than in the spiritual influence we have in our teens lives. God told us to impress the word of God on our children, to talk to them about these commandments when sitting at home, walking along the road, when you lie down, when you get up, to tie them around your hands and bind them on your foreheads, and write them on the doorframes of your houses. (Deuteronomy 6) God has given us an appointment to speak truth in our kids lives. Our faith does influence our kids.
We have a great opportunity to speak truth in our kids lives. This is a time to show our kids how much God means to us.
Something God taught me last year was how negative thoughts can be like a cancer in a family. I have a natural tendency to be negative. I don't want to be but I am. Towards the middle of the year or so, God showed me that I have so much to be joyful for, not happy for, but joyful for. I never really knew there was a difference in joy and happiness.
My daughter came to me about a week or so before we were to go on vacation. She said God had laid it on her heart to get up around 5:30am to have quiet time with him every morning. Now this is a teenager, in the summer time when she could sleep half a day, and she wanted to start this while on vacation at the beach. I thought to myself what would make her do this? She told me she'd been reading a book by Dana Gresh and this book had been showing her how to be joyful and thankful for what she had and to do that she needed to spend more quiet time with him. Not just quiet time, but time where she was devoted to thanking him for everything and for focusing on the joyful things in her life. I was blown away. I thought, " why am I not doing this?" Well God and I know I'm not a morning person like my daughter, but I have made an effort every morning first thing to spend time with God. Not just time with him, but positive time with him. I've been going through his truth and picking out all the things God is to me and has done for me. I meditate on these positive things and praise him for them. I have found joy real joy in doing this.
Back to parents influencing kids. I started noticing how negative my family had gotten. It seemed like every word coming out of their mouths was negative. I had started a cancer in my family. I hated the thought that my negative influence on them had brought them to this place of negative thoughts, negative emotions, complaining, and negative feelings. So, I decided it was time to spend more time focusing on the positive things and the joyful things and being thankful for what I had than on any negative things.
I suffer from chronic pain and right now I'm going through a pinched nerve in my back. This alone can easily pull me into a massive depression. But God is doing a great work in me. He's showing me that there is still joy in the middle of my struggle. He's shown me this through a bible study on the book of Job no less, talk about some struggles, through many verses he puts in my path, through my quiet time with him, through the prayers of my friends, and, yes, through my daughter. I'm amazed at what focusing on the positive truths of God has done for me. I read just today in a Purpose Driven Life devotion written by Rick Warren that said, "satans favorite favorite tool is negative emotions." I don't want to give satan any reason to be happy.
Around Christmas each year my family and I talk about spiritual goals we want to have for the new year coming up. We access the old spiritual goals then talk about setting new goals. Well mine last year was to be more positive and to see myself the way God sees me. So I asked my family what they saw. Did I seem to do that? Did I focus more on the positive things in my life and on God's truth about who I am or not? They all said they had seen a difference in my attitude and the way I handled things. Even my girls had changed their outlook on things. Just last night one them came home all upset about failing a test and not having a good day, but she said this to me, " at least, mom, I tried to have a good attitude about it. I didn't get upset until I got in the car. I tried to look at the positive as much as possible." Talk about influencing someone! Normally she's like me, when I'm unhappy everyone is unhappy! But today she chose to see joy in the middle of a trial or struggle.
So, yes, parents, our kids are listening to us and watching us to see how we handle everyday life as a Christian. Are we practicing what we preach? Are we staying engaged in our kids lives? Are we asking the tough questions even when we get only one word answers, oh how I hate that? Are we taking the time to ask others about our kids? Are we talking about God's word to our kids? Are we making sure we point them back to the truth of who God says we are and not letting them waddle in the puddle of satan's lies? Are we living the Christian life? And when we fall are we repenting and asking for forgiveness, even if that means going to our kids and asking for them to forgive us? Oooh a tough one!
Yes, we do influence our kids and other kids who are around us. Say those kids who are friends with our kids. So, what kind of influence do you want to be? Do you want them to see a person who says their a Christian and walks the walk but only on Sunday, or the Christian who walks the walk every minute of the day? Stay engaged into your kids lives. Make God a focus in the middle of this I-must-keep-busy kind of world. We put time into the things we treasure the most. Extracurricular actives, school, work, watching tv shows, whatever that is, can we put God above all those and make time for him? What an influence that would be to our kids. I know my daughter influenced me when she put aside precious teenage, in the summer at the beach sleep to spend an hour of quiet time with God. It allowed me to do the same thing and get a lot closer to the God of the universe who showed me how to "positively" influence my family.
Just some food for thought from my experience this past year. I hope it blesses you like God blessed me. It's still something I struggle with, but I have tasted the milk and honey and I like it!
In Christ's love,
~Tina Foster~
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